A letter to my body.

I owe you an apology. 

Truly I owe you a million separate apologies. 

I am sorry. 

I am sorry for all the hurtful things I have said to you over the years.  I have called you terrible names and said things to you no body deserves to hear. I am sorry for believing all the awful things other people said about you.  I am sorry because I said them too.  I never stood up for you.  I was scared and embarrassed.  I never loved you. 

I am sorry for all the hours I have spent glaring at you in disgust in the mirror.  All the times that I hated you for not being what I thought you should be.  I hated you for not being perfect.  I took out all my frustrations and insecurities on you.

I am sorry for all the abuse you have suffered at my hand.  I have starved you, gorged you and purged you, poisoned you, cut you, pinched you, hit you and left you feeling empty and betrayed.  I have left scars that will never fade and still remember the ones that have.

I am sorry for believing you were worthless and allowing others to abuse you.  I am sorry for treating you like trash and letting people use you.  I am sorry I never understood you had value.  I am sorry for never understanding that it wasn’t your fault I was so unhappy. 

I am sorry for leaving you stagnant, and then pushing you too hard.  I am sorry for making you ill and blaming you for failing me when it was me that failed you.  I took you for granted.

I am sorry for believing you were working against me.  For every moment of panic I resented you more.  I never trusted you.  I never believed you would do what you were supposed to. 

It was never your fault.  It was me not you. 

You are the reason I am able to type this letter.  You are the reason I am able to get out of bed each day.  You make it possible for me to walk, run, kick leaves, lay in the grass, swim in mountain rivers and explore this planet.  Without you the life I live would not be possible.  I wouldn’t exist without you. 

You give me life.  You cradle my energy inside you and allow me to breathe. 

Because of you I can taste, smell, hear, see, touch and experience life.

  

Through you I can create life. You are a miracle, you are truly a gift and I should appreciate you so much more than I have. 

I cannot promise I will never say an unkind word to you again.  In fact, I am certain I will.  I am not as strong as I would like to be.  I can promise that each day I will do my best to take care of you and I will try to do more for you so you know how appreciated you are.  I will do my best to look past your imperfections and see you as the temple you are.

Thank you for continuing to house my soul even though at times I didn’t deserve you. 

Thank you for being strong and resilient. 

Thank you for never giving up on me.

I can’t tell you I love you because I don’t, but I am starting to like you. 

I am sorry that it has taken me so long to say this to you. 

Yours Cruelly,

Melissa

(Spoken in Stardust)