DO YOU.

When I was twelve years old I went to a car show with my parents.  I remember wandering around in the hot summer sunshine looking at row after row of seemingly similar vehicles.  At one point my parents asked me which car was my favourite.  Well that was a no brainer.  I ran over to the coolest car I had seen all day.  It was a big sleek black beast of a car.  I had never really seen one like it before and I knew it was the one for me.

As I smiled at my parents pointed at it and said “this one!”  I had no idea the conversation they were having with their eyes.  It wasn’t until later in life that my mom told me her memory from that day and it still makes me laugh.  My poor parents watching their young daughter pointing at a hearse saying it was the greatest car she had ever seen.

It has been 22 years – holy shit I'm old – and I can honestly say I still think hearses are the coolest cars out there.  Not only do they look dope as fuck but they are practical.  I mean you could fit so much stuff in them, they would fit a ton of people if you need to carpool and if you were on a road trip you could always sleep in the back.  Also people would drive much more cautiously around you out of respect. 

But back to that day and the reason I am telling this story. 

So my mom tells me that on that day when I pointed out that hearse to them, she and my dad said to each other “She is kinda weird eh?”  And my mom says that is the day she knew for sure I was going to be a little different than the other kids.   I laugh because they were right, I was different, but that is not a bad thing.

I mean I as a parent would think it was awesome if my kids were into weird freaky death stuff because we would have something to bond over, but I get that for most parents the thought of their kids being interested in the stuff I was, and am, would be a little scary.  My parents certainly didn’t always understand me and did not approve of certain things I was doing but they have always stood by me anyway, just sometimes at a safe distance.  The point is I always felt free to be myself and I think that is one of the most important things we can be in life and also the most challenging. 

When I was in school – a million years ago - I never fit in with the popular crowd.  I was always considered an outcast and a weirdo.  I was friends with people I liked not people who were “cool” and when I thought people were being treated unjustly I would stand up for them which in turn would put a target on my back and thus the bullying.  But that is an entirely different story.

I was always alright being who I was despite the ridicule and misunderstanding from others.  I liked what I liked and did what I wanted.  Which can be difficult when you are one of two goth kids at your high school in a town full of rednecks.  I listened to Marilyn Manson - still do – wore ripped up panty hoes on my arms and read books instead of playing sports.  I liked to make art, listen to music and hang out in the park with my friends.

I like to write poetry and lay in the grass discussing life and death and the meaning of our existence.  I am a horror junkie.  I have been since I was like 7 years old and my dad let me watch A Nightmare on Elm Street for the first time - I have never been so terrified and I loved it.  I like exploring abandoned buildings and studying ghosts and serial killers.  I also really like kittens, watching birds fly around and listening to French music while I paint my nails. I wear a lot of black, have tattoos and have gone through several facial piercings and ridiculous hairstyles

I have spent my entire life being told what a weirdo I am.  My Uncle James so lovingly calls me ‘Missy from the dark side’.  I am interested in things that fall outside the norm and I have never felt like I fit in with any one group of people.  Obviously as an adult the social dynamic has changed from when I was in school but we all still fit with certain people and groups better than others. 

We tend to hang out with people who have common interests and enjoy similar activities.  But really I do consider myself a bit of a chameleon and I can adapt to fit in with most people if I so fancy.  I might enjoy a metal show Friday night but Saturday morning I can make pancakes for my family and play Simon says for hours with my little cousins.   

My point is that I have been true to myself.  I like the things I like, love who I want to love and believe what I believe.  That doesn’t mean it is always easy and it can be extremely isolating at times when you feel like nobody understands you and you don’t really understand anyone else.  I am comfortable being me but that doesn’t mean I am not hurt when people say cruel things or don’t like me.  But what a sad existence it would be if in order to gain approval I had to hide who I really was.  I think everyone should be comfortable with who they are.  People put far too much stock into the opinions of others.

People are going to judge you anyway.  You are never going to be good enough for some people and yet perfect for others.  You are always going to confuse certain people and make someone uncomfortable.  I think as long as you are not cruel, you aren’t out to hurt people and you aren’t just generally being an asshole then DO YOU.  Be yourself. 

Dave Grohl - who I think is one of the greatest musicians of all time – once said that calling things guilty pleasures Is stupid.  He says If you like something just like it and I agree.  Who cares.  If you want to listen to Cradle of Filth today and Dolly Parton tomorrow, then go for it.  Take pleasure in the things you enjoy.  Life is hard enough without limiting your joy because you are afraid of what other people are going to think of you.  At the end of the day most people think about you way less than you think they do.

I do not like or understand lots of things other people do and enjoy but like I have said as long as they are not causing harm to others I really don’t care what they are into.  We don’t all have to be the same.  We don’t all have to like the same things or hold the same beliefs.  We aren’t all going to be friends and that is okay.

What we should do however, is do our best not to judge people for being who they are.  You probably don’t like when people judge you and make assumptions about your life so why do it to others?  We should try to understand people if they confuse us.  Ask questions instead of making assumptions and try to appreciate the things that make us different and celebrate the things that make us the same. 

There are 7 billion people in the world so odds are most of them are not like you but you will be surprised to find out how well you can get along regardless of your differences.  For example - Oh you like Margaret Atwood whereas I like Stephen King, but we both like to read so that’s cool. 

I think its totally cool to be different and unique.  Why would you want to be the same as everybody else anyway?  This life is the only life we are guaranteed so live it the way that makes you smile.  Find your passions and let love destroy you – its worth it.  Be the person you would want to meet in the street one day that you would walk away from thinking wow they don’t give a fuck! – not like wow they are a crazy hobo junkie who doesn’t give a fuck but like they don’t care what society says they should be type of not giving a fuck....You know what I mean right?

Be free. 

DO YOU. 

Yours Cruelly,

Melissa (Spoken in Stardust)