A girl in the world.

I went for a jog today.  While I was running down the path a man walking towards me started staring at me.  He proceeded to put his hands up to his chest and with a stupid smile make boob shaking gestures at me as I passed.  I was annoyed and disgusted as usual when a man does something like this to me.  Then not even two minutes later some other man sees me coming up the path.  He was off to the side and I was sort of in the middle.  As I got closer he stepped out into my path and tried to grab me.  I was alert and saw it coming so was able to dodge him and get past however it didn’t stop him from trying to touch me and he just turned with me as I passed him with his hands out trying to get at me.

Now I don’t know what he wanted. Was this an attempted abduction or just a causal groping?  Maybe he didn’t even know what his intention was but just saw a woman running near him and put his arms out to touch her. What he wanted doesn’t matter the fact is he attempted to touch me in some way and violated my personal space. It is wrong and makes me feel so fucking uncomfortable.  I spent the rest of my jog home feeling upset and wishing I never left the house.

Unfortunately, days like today are not isolated incidents.  I could never possibly remember every instance of sexual harassment or abuse I have personally suffered for no reason other than I am a girl in the world.

For example, within the last few months I was walking through the park – and let me be clear this is not a secluded isolated park it is a path from one street to the next full of people, families etc - As I was walking down the very crowded path a man walked towards me put his hand in his pants and started touching himself while calling me Guapa (beautiful).  In that same park I had a man grab my arm and not let go as he tried to kiss me. Before that there was the time I was walking down the street and a man from across the street started yelling Guapa at me and when I didn’t respond after the third time he started screaming that I was a bitch and a whore.  And these are just the examples of when I felt unsafe.  This does not include the almost daily gawking, winking, and mumbled “compliments” under mens breath.

It is so common in fact that yes I do walk around untrusting of most men and always alert.  I am careful where I go, what time of day it is and how many people are around.  I rarely go anywhere alone at night and I always carry my keys in my hand between my fingers as my Dad taught me to when I was young (even during the day).  These are things I shouldn’t have to do but the reality is the world I live in is a scary place.

In my lifetime I have been cornered in bars, restaurants and shops by men wanting to be close to me and make me feel small and uncomfortable, I have been slapped on the ass, had my boobs grabbed, been kissed and been just touched without permission more times then I care to think about.  I have been told to smile, called cutesy names and then called whore because I wasn’t interested, I have been spit on, had things thrown at me and screamed at for just being a girl. 

I had a man chase me down the street one night while he jerked off.  I could see my apartment building and I just kept thinking I was going to be raped or murdered in view of my home by some asshole who gets his kicks scaring women.  I screamed that I was going to the police and he backed off – luckily.  I did call the police and had to look at a line up of photos because I wasn’t the only one to report this that week.

I had a group of men grab me and pull me into an ally once.  They circled around me and were making rude comments.  I didn’t know what to do but luckily for me a passer by saw it happen and came to my rescue.  He yelled at them and grabbed my arm to pull me out and they took off.

I had a man threaten to kill me once because he hated women and I was a stupid fucking woman. 

I had a man on a bus scream at me for 15 minutes calling me a whore and a bitch.  Screaming that I thought I was better than everyone because I was a woman.  Screaming that I was inconsiderate of everyone around me and that I shouldn’t be just sitting there trying to look all hot for everyone to see.  This was on a bus in Vancouver with several other people just sitting there silently listening as this guy berated me until my stop where he also got off.  Nobody said or did anything.  I felt so unsafe I ran into a store and just stood there crying afraid he was waiting for me outside to follow me home.

And these are just examples of the strangers who have harassed or violated me.  I do not even want to get into the friends, coworkers, and boyfriends who have acted completely inappropriately. 

The thing that makes this even worse is that most of these occurrences happened in public.  There were, in many cases, several people around and yet for some reason this behaviour is accepted.  These men never felt like they would be scolded or judged by the people around them and in almost every case they weren’t.  It is as though this sort of behaviour is just accepted or expected and nobody wants to get involved.  Or we, as women, are looked at like it was our fault, like we did something to warrant this sort of behaviour. Its such bullshit.

Now before anyone gets all “Its not all men” Yes I am aware.  I would never say all men are disgusting perverts who have no respect for women but sadly there are an awful lot who fall into that category.  I wish I didn’t have to feel scared to leave my house, scared to wear something that might be even the slightest bit revealing, scared to use public washrooms, scared to ride busses alone or sit in a coffee shop without the fear of being approached by someone. But I do feel this way.  I have had too many instances of harassment and abuse to feel comfortable or safe talking to strangers or smiling at someone who may genuinely just be being nice.

So next time you smile at a girl and she doesn’t smile back consider that maybe the last time she smiled back some man thought it was an invitation.  Or if you say hello and don’t get a response it might not be because she is a bitch but maybe she just isn’t interested in having a conversation. We don’t owe you anything.  I am sorry that so many men have left a bad taste in our mouths and you good men have to feel bad just for being men. I almost daily have to feel bad for just being a girl. 

To all the men who have engaged in this kind of behaviour with women they know, hope to know or just wanted to make feel uncomfortable I think I speak for most women when I say Fuck You.  

Yours cruelly,

Melissa 

(Spoken in Stardust)

* I know this was a little ranty.  I do not feel bad about it.  I am so upset after what happened earlier and I needed to vent *