Pleasure in the small things.

It was brought to my attention that yesterday was the international day of happiness.  What a lovely idea!  A day to celebrate happiness seems like a perfect reason to rejoice in the things that bring a smile to our faces.  What better day to remind ourselves of all the things, big or small, that bring joy to our lives.  Life is full of special moments so lets all take the time to remind ourselves that even when you have a day where you don’t smile there is still always a reason too.

For the majority of my life I have struggled with depression and finding the joy in my life.  That is not to say I was never happy but simply that I had a hard time holding on to those thoughts and feelings.  It never took much to bring me right back down.  It is truly only the last 5 years or so that I can honestly say the good in my life take priority over the bad.  It has been in these past few years that I can truly say I am happy.

And lets all be honest, life is hard and full of challenges which can sometimes feel completely overwhelming.  It can be difficult to see the beauty in the world around us when we are having a bad day at work or school, when we seem to be drowning in debt or are stuck in toxic relationships.  It is during these times however that it is most important to stop, take a breath and really take stock of all the good that is being overshadowed by negativity. 

A beautiful day can be ruined so quickly by one moment of sadness or anger and that is the feeling that tends to stick with us the rest of the day.  We end up believing that our day was awful and we disregard all the lovely moments that might have transpired before the bad moment or fail to notice them if they occur after we are already upset.

It is within the last few years that I have done, or attempted to do, a complete overhaul of my thoughts.  I consciously take the time to breathe, to try to better understand a situation, to let things go, to not let a brief moment of anger overtake my entire day.  This is not to say I am always successful but I am aware of it and I do my best to enjoy each day.

A big change I made was understanding that it didn’t have to be a perfect day or a big thing that could make my day wonderful or at least make me smile.  I learned to take pleasure in the small things, the little moments that can be so easily overlooked.  When someone holds a door open for me, when I am waiting in a lineup and a baby smiles at me, when I get to stop and pet a dog while I am walking down the street or I ate a really good apple.  All these tiny moments can really add up in a day and each one of them fills me with happiness.

One of my favourite quotes is from Anais Nin who said “We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are”. I think this idea applies to many aspects of life but most certainly applies to the way we view joy.  When we walk around angry, upset, full of hate or just waiting for the next bad thing to happen we end up seeing the world in a very negative light.  We do not see the happy moments or turn them into something negative.  For example – Someone held a door open for me and I had to run so I didn’t hold them up, a baby smiled at me while I was waiting in line ugh I hate kids, a dog jumped up on me while I was walking down the street and got dirt on my pants, that apple was good but why are so many apples so shitty?  Okay, maybe not the most thrilling examples but each moment we live we have a choice as to how we will react to each situation.

Something that helped me see beauty in each day was a project I found on Pinterest.  It seemed a little silly but after I started it I was excited to do it each day.  Every day I had to find one happy thought, feeling or experience that happened, write it on a small sip of paper and put it in my Happy Thoughts jar. I began this project on New Years Day and continued for the entire year.  At the end of the year I had a jar filled with 365 great things that made me smile that year.  It was not only a lovely reminder of all the special moments I enjoyed throughout the year but it was also a great daily challenge to find joy.  Some days it was difficult to pick just one special thing and other days I struggled to find even a moment that felt good enough to remember.  On those days I felt nothing special or good happened I would think more broadly – For example “I woke up today healthy” “I have a bed to sleep in and food in the fridge” “I have a wonderful family” “I am in love” etc.  This helped me to see that even on my worst days I had a reason to smile and to be grateful.  I wont lie, there were days I said fuck it and wrote nothing, but because I knew I would have those dreary days on the really great days I might write an extra happy thought or two to make up for the shitty times.  It sounds cheesy, I know, but it was one of the best things I could have done for myself. 

This world is a beautiful place filled with amazing things, terrific people and happy moments hidden in each and every situation, we just have to be open to finding them.  There are always going to be bad days, and awful situations it is what we do with those days that matters. 

There will always be jobs we hate, school assignments that are overwhelming, bills to pay and responsibilities to attend to but try to see these things as privileges rather than nuisances. You have a job you hate, be grateful you have a job there are an alarming number of people who can’t find work or are unable to work. You are flooded with school work, be grateful you live in a country that allows you to attend school, hell be grateful you can afford to go to school!  You have bills to pay, well that means you have things you enjoy like a home to live in, a fancy cell phone, internet access, food to eat, clothes to wear etc.  You have responsibilities, that’s amazing it means you are fucking alive and what a goddamn miracle that is to begin with!

We cannot control how other people around us will act but we can control how we will respond.  It took me a long time to understand that and to actually put that knowledge into practice.  Remove toxic people from your life.  I know that can sometimes be a challenge especially if they are family but you have no obligation to people just because you are part of the same family. There are some shitty people out there and we cannot control which family we are born into.  If they are your friends or significant others, it can be tough to say good bye but spending life with people who make us feel anything but happiness is not worth our time.  You have one life to live spend it with the people who make you smile.

And seriously take time to appreciate the little things!  You will be surprised how much joy you can find in small moments you can so easily overlook.  These moments add up!  It wont always be easy but it will always be worth it.

So to conclude I want to tell you some of the little things that make me smile.

A fresh jar of peanut butter.  Seriously I get so excited to be the first one to slide a knife across the perfectly smooth top.  Since I live with someone who is allergic it is always me who gets this pleasure and it is magical.

Hearing a loon at dawn.

Sitting in a park and watching squirrels run around in the grass.

Baby ducks swimming in a lake.

Accidentally vegan food.

Serving coffee to regulars and knowing I was the first person to make them smile that morning.

Being in the forest and hearing nothing but the breeze in the trees and birds singing.

A warm bubble bath.

Food samples at whole foods.

Listening to a campfire crackling.

Sharing a funny look with a stranger at the store.

A really good stretch.

The smell of cookies baking.

Actual physical mail that isn’t a bill or a flyer. Why don’t people send letters anymore?  Thank you to those of you who do.

Hearing a song that takes me back to a wonderful moment or period of time in life.

Happy tears.

When my blacks match.

Stopping to smell the flowers.

Talking to my parents.

Hugging my sister.

Hearing my Aunt Linda laugh.

Seeing Ross smile.

Eating a really delicious apple – because seriously there are a lot of really bad apples J

What makes you happy?

Yours Cruelly,

Melissa

(Spoken in Stardust)